Transcript of a 911 call:

911 operator: 911 What is your emergency?
me: (sob) Please! Please help me!
911 operator: What is your address?
me: uh, um…let me look….its april at heycuz dot net
911 operator: Excuse me?
me: my email address? The one they got me at? It is april AT heycuz dot net
911 operator: Who got you? What’s your emergency?
me: I’ve been TAGGED!
Image representing Tagged as depicted in Crunc...Image via CrunchBase911 operator: We don’t send out a patrol for children’s games?
me: Oh, this is NO game! This is serious stalking! I’m telling you! They don’t stop!
911 operator: Who’s stalking you? Have they threatened you?
me: Threatened me? Are you #sk#9king kidding? Its constant now. Every time I turn on my email they get me!
911 operator: Don’t turn on your email then
me: Huh? I don’t understand.
911: I can tell you’re upset, but I’m not sure how…
me:  I’ve cancelled my account so many times I can’t tell you and THEY keep coming back! On April 11th, I got a confirmation that the account was cancelled…The note does say that they will keep my “profile” for at least six months. Has it been six months? yeah!  But yesterday, it all started back up again! OMG This is so ridiculous! Why won’t they stop?
911: Did you follow their confirmation instructions?
me: Of course, I did. I went to, and hidden down at the bottom is a link to cancel…Do you think that they re-suckered me in??? thinking I have to re-cancel but I’d already canceled so it extended the cancel time? Is that why they’re emailing me again???
911: I’m not sure I understand?
me: I mean, (sigh) how can they live with themselves? How did they get around my email filters in the first place? Why are they doing this to innocent people??
911: Exactly HOW are they harassing you?
me: Listen to this:

  • 9:52 PM:         Your friends are waiting for you on Tagged
  • 5:40 AM: Please respond to all of your alerts on Tagged!
  • 6:14 AM: JoJo2010 has winked at you
  • 8:04 AM: MannyLvr has left you a message: “Aren’t you going to kiss me back?”
  • 1: 11 PM:  JoJo 2010 has left you an embedded file
  • and at 2…

911: This is really not an emergency.
me: If it isn’t an emergency, I’d sure like to know what is!
911: An emergency is a situation that poses an immediate risk to health, life, property or environment.
me: So, my sanity doesn’t matter?
911 operator:  We don’t handle internet emergencies.
me:  (hmph) Can you tell me who can help me?
911: You could try Google
me: (Sigh) Well, can you tell me this. Supposed someone wanted to take out a hit on someone or, say some website…do you know anyone who does this?
911: We don’t help people commit crimes.
me: Oh. Thanks any way.

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